PART IV: Caught Between Two Worlds

Many times Bo will randomly ask me to take a picture of whatever toy he has in his hand. This was one of them. I know I'll look back someday and wish my babies could be babies again.  In a million worlds, I'd choose you.

Many times Bo will randomly ask me to take a picture of whatever toy he has in his hand. This was one of them. I know I'll look back someday and wish my babies could be babies again. In a million worlds, I'd choose you.

I've always loved the poem by Robert Frost entitled, "The Road Not Taken". I'm a visual person so every time I've ever read it or thought of the words, I envisioned a fork in the road--one veering left and the other, right. Seven years ago today, I took one of those roads with not a clue where it was going to lead, but me being me, I was willing to take the chance. I chose to pack up all of my earthly belongings to follow love. I was living in sin and I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. Thank God for mercy and grace though! Rob and I started off just wingin' it but together, we got right with God and He has blessed us beyond measure.

Life is about choices--there's no way around them. Good and bad, right and wrong, "do I take this job or that one?", "do I spend little or much?". Our life is consumed with choices. As I mentioned in my first post of this little series (that, by the way, I didn't know what going to be a series until I realized after a while, I probably should cut off my story at some point before I lose and/or bore y'all to tears), the only thing I ever was sure about in life was that I wanted to be a mom and a wife; however, I eventually found my passion in art and design...creating things...and it was then that I really found myself caught between two worlds. Everyday I find myself standing in a wide open field--or in my case, my house with toys, diapers, big boy underwear, two babies I've always wanted, dishes in the sink needing washed, mounds of laundry needing folded, toilet bowls needing scrubbed, a desk of open projects and orders, and an Instagram account that keeps nagging at me to stay on top of posts in order to draw attention to little 'ole me and my business I'm trying to build up--with two paths that I have to choose which to go down. Usually I'm just a hot mess express attempting to barrel down both paths--one foot on each until the paths start to curve a little and I'm almost doing the splits--but that only leads me to being stressed to the max, discombobulated, and unorganized (as a lifetime perfectionist who has really gotten better with having to have eeeeeverything just so, being unorganized really sends me in a tizzy). I always tell myself when I try to do too much that my faith and my family come first but sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and giving up on everything that isn't family-related because I feel so mentally overwhelmed. I can't even tell you how many times I've thought about Joanna Gaines, and her and Chip's decision to shut down their shop to raise their kids after she felt God leading her to do so (the story can be found here). I haven't felt the prompting to quit altogether but as Bo gets older and closer to school age, and now that CC is mobile, I wonder what God wants for our family next. Rob and I have had many discussions on homeschooling but is that for us? Do I have the patience? How will I find time to do homeschooling and run a business and keep up with house chores and make quality time with God and make sure my husband's needs are met. Talk about a Proverbs 31 woman! Gracious day!--those few things would make any person's head spin I'm sure. I know as long as I keep giving it all to God, He will direct my steps and lead me down the paths I'm supposed to go but Lord have mercy is He teaching me some mega patience! I'm a "ok, let's do this right now" kind of person but God is a "hold up, wait a second, I need you to learn A, B and C first" kind of God. We butt heads...a lot...that's life though, right? Making the choice whether I'm going to fly by the seat of my own pants or wait for God to lead me. It sure isn't easy but I know it's a lot less bumpy of a ride. I know He didn't bring me to where I am, having blessed me the way He has and shown me visions of possibilities for using my talent and passions, just to leave me stranded. Life is always going to be filled with juggling acts and choices but at the end of the day, I know that as long as He's my Pilot, everything else will just sort of fall into place. 

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